ENM Relationships Take Many Different Forms
You may wonder how many ways there are to do Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM).
ENM relationships come in many different forms and configurations, depending on the specific needs and desires of the people involved. Some of the more common types include:
Polyamory: This is perhaps the most well-known type of ENM relationship. It involves having multiple loving, intimate relationships with the full knowledge and consent of all parties involved.
Some relationship structures could be hierarchical or non-hierarchical. The choice between them generally depends on the specific needs, desires, and agreements among the individuals involved. Let's look at both of these in detail.
Hierarchical Relationships: Hierarchical polyamory involves primary, secondary, and sometimes tertiary relationships. The people involved in the primary relationship typically share a higher level of commitment, emotional involvement, and intertwining of their lives (such as living together, sharing finances, or raising children together), while secondary relationships might be serious but typically involve less life entanglement. Tertiary relationships might be casual or less entangled still. Hierarchical relationships can offer clarity and a sense of stability, but they can also be challenging in terms of ensuring fairness and consideration toward all involved parties.
Non-Hierarchical Relationships: In non-hierarchical or egalitarian polyamory, there are no ranked primary, secondary, or tertiary relationships. Instead, each relationship is seen as separate and unique, with its own individual dynamics and commitments. People in non-hierarchical relationships often use terms like "partner" or "significant other" for their connections, rather than labeling them as primary or secondary. Non-hierarchical relationships emphasize that no one relationship has inherent or automatic priority over another. This doesn't necessarily mean that all relationships involve the same amount of time, resource commitment, or intensity—it simply means that these factors are negotiated individually without a default ranking system.
Both of these types of relationships require excellent communication, clear boundaries, and constant negotiation to ensure everyone's needs are being met. Like any relationship style, they can be healthy and fulfilling, or unhealthy and harmful, largely depending on how they're practiced and whether they align with the needs and wants of everyone involved. It's important to continually check in with oneself and one's partners about what feels right and adjust accordingly.
Swinging: This typically refers to couples who engage in recreational sex with others as a form of social interaction. Swinging can vary from couple to couple, with some preferring to only play together, while others might play separately.
Open Relationships: In an open relationship, partners agree that they can have sexual relationships with other people. The extent to which these outside relationships can become emotionally involved varies from couple to couple.
Relationship Anarchy: This philosophy advocates for relationships that aren't bound by rules aside from what the people involved mutually agree upon. Relationship anarchists often reject societal norms that prioritize certain forms of relationships (like romantic or sexual) above others, and instead consider all relationships (friendships, familial connections, romantic partnerships, etc.) as potentially having equal importance.
Solo Polyamory: Solo poly individuals maintain their independence by choice, prioritizing their autonomy while having meaningful, intimate relationships with others. They typically do not want to entwine their lives in terms of finances, housing, or other traditional markers of long-term commitment.
Polyfidelity: This involves multiple people committing to each other, forming a closed multi-partner relationship system. The group might include three or more people, all committed to each other, with an agreement not to have sexual or romantic relationships outside the group.
Monogamish: This term, coined by sex columnist Dan Savage, refers to couples who are mostly monogamous, but who allow varying degrees of sexual activity with others. The rules and boundaries in these relationships are highly individualized.
Kitchen Table Polyamory: In this type of polyamorous configuration, all members are comfortable and willing to spend social time together, like sitting around the "kitchen table". This doesn't necessarily mean that everyone is in a relationship with each other, but that there is a sense of communal openness and friendship.
Parallel Polyamory: This is another polyamorous configuration where individual'’ relationships exist parallel to each other. The people a person is in a relationship with, are aware of each other, but do not have relationships with each other and may never meet.
Mono-poly relationship: This is yet another type of relationship within the Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM) spectrum where one partner (the mono, short for monogamous) prefers to be romantically and/or sexually involved with only one person, while the other partner (the poly, short for polyamorous) prefers to be involved with multiple people.
Remember, these terms are all broad categories and individual relationships can vary widely within these definitions. It's also possible for relationships to change or evolve over time, or for individuals to have different relationships that fit into different categories. The most important thing is that all relationships are consensual, respectful, and meet the needs of everyone involved.
