Matchmaker’s wisdom
Since the pandemic I have watched far more TV than I ever did before. My guilty pleasure is watching all the matchmaking and dating shows. As I was watching Jewish Matchmaking on Netflix the other night, I was impressed with Aleeza’s masterful ability to gently guide her clients into being more willing to see people that they might not have considered before, or even changing up their wardrobe (Oy Stuart!).
It reminded me of a book I recently read by Lori Gottlieb called “Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough.” Like Aleeza, Lori suggests that maybe we are too picky when dating and focusing on things that don’t really matter. Sometimes we even focus on things that sabotage our goal of finding a life-long partner. I have listed some suggestions to consider below based on this more practical, down-to-earth approach to dating and mating.
First reflect on your priorities: Take the time to identify your core values, life goals, and what you truly want in a partner. This clarity will help you focus on what's most important and prevent you from getting caught up in superficial criteria.
Embrace a realistic approach: Recognize that no one is perfect, including yourself. Understand that seeking a flawless partner based on a long list of criteria might be unrealistic and could potentially lead to disappointment. Be open to the idea that Mr. Good Enough might not fit every checkbox but could still make you happy.
Distinguish between "must-haves" and "nice-to-haves": Differentiate between essential qualities and preferences in a partner. Identify the qualities that are non-negotiable, such as shared values, emotional compatibility, and mutual respect. While it's good to have preferences, being too rigid might limit your dating pool unnecessarily.
Give people a chance: Instead of dismissing potential partners based on superficial qualities or minor flaws, try to get to know them on a deeper level. Give them an opportunity to show their true selves and consider their compatibility with you based on more meaningful aspects.
Evaluate long-term potential: Look beyond initial chemistry and attraction. Assess a person's long-term compatibility, including factors like shared values, communication skills, commitment to personal growth, and willingness to work through challenges together. And ladies, if you are looking for a husband to raise a family with, that “bad boy” or adventure-seeker you always find yourself attracted to, is probably not your best bet for husband and dad material.
Prioritize emotional connection: Emotional compatibility and a strong connection are essential for a lasting relationship. Pay attention to how you feel when you're around the person you're dating. Are you comfortable being yourself? Do you share similar values and enjoy each other's company?
Communicate effectively: Open and honest communication is crucial in any relationship. Express your needs, desires, and concerns clearly, while also listening attentively to your partner. Building a foundation of effective communication early on can help establish a healthy and strong relationship.
Remember, settling doesn't mean compromising your happiness or well-being. It means being open to finding love and building a fulfilling relationship with someone who may not perfectly match your initial ideals but possesses the qualities that truly matter for a successful partnership.
