Healthy ENM Relationships
Polyamory, Consensual Non-Monogamy (CNM) also known as Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM) are terms I will use interchangeably here. They are relationship styles that involve having multiple consensual and ethical intimate partnerships simultaneously.
They are rooted in the idea that individuals can experience romantic and/or sexual connections with multiple people at the same time, with the knowledge and consent of all involved parties.
Polyamory challenges the traditional societal norms of monogamy, which typically involves being exclusive to one partner.
In her book Polysecure, Jessica Fern, psychotherapist and author, known for her work on relationships and attachment theory within the context of polyamory, emphasizes creating a secure attachment environment in which individuals feel safe, seen, and valued within their non-monogamous relationship dynamics.
She combines principles from attachment theory, neuroscience, and relational psychology to provide a framework for understanding and navigating relationships to accomplish this.
The following principles are markers of healthy polyamorous relationships:
Consensual and Transparent Communication: Open and honest communication is vital in polyamory. All parties involved should engage in ongoing conversations to establish boundaries, define relationship structures, and discuss emotional needs and expectations. Transparency helps build trust and ensures that everyone involved is fully aware of each other's intentions and desires.
Secure Attachment: Creating a sense of emotional safety and security in ENM relationships is important. This includes fostering trust, providing emotional support, and acknowledging individual needs. Building a secure attachment in polyamorous relationships involves being attuned to each other's feelings, being responsive to emotional cues, and actively addressing insecurities or fears that may arise.
Emotional Resilience: Polyamory can bring about complex emotions and challenges, including jealousy, feelings of inadequacy, or fear of abandonment. Healthy ENM relationships encourage the development of emotional resilience, helping individuals understand and manage their emotions effectively. This may involve self-reflection, practicing self-care, and seeking support from partners and, if necessary, relationship coaches, sex therapists or support groups.
Personal Responsibility: Each individual in a polyamorous relationship is responsible for their own emotional well-being and the impact they have on others. Taking personal responsibility means being aware of one's own needs, desires, and limitations, while respecting the autonomy and boundaries of others. This principle emphasizes self-awareness, self-regulation, and accountability in all relationship dynamics.
It's important to remember that polyamory is not for everyone, and individuals should engage in relationships that align with their personal values, preferences, and consent of all parties involved. Seeking guidance from a qualified sex therapist or sex and relationship coach who specializes in polyamory can provide further support in navigating the unique challenges and dynamics of polyamorous relationships.
